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Cognitive Therapy & Counselling

Deborah Williamson

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The Need for Personal Boundaries

The Need for Personal Boundaries.

Have you ever labelled yourself a `people pleaser’? or has making people happy had negative results for you?
Kindness and acts of compassion are not necessarily people pleasing as such, in fact they can have a positive effect on your psychological and your emotional health.
People pleasing (PP) however is something a little different. PP usually amounts to putting our own needs second to somebody else’s, which can often lead to devaluing ourselves over time.
This happens when we agree to something that we did not really want to do or perhaps we could not handle emotionally.
For example, trying to find solutions to other people’s problems when clearly, they could or should be taking their own initiative and sorting things out for themselves!
We often take on others stuff unwillingly because we may fear refection, or we may feel that we are responsible for fixing that person or people.
Unfortunately, this happens an awful lot in families and at work where boundaries are unclear.

Your Own Boundaries

Your boundaries are personal to you, they are like an invisible fence that you do not let other people cross. They are not designed to shut people out, instead they exist to help you value yourself and enrich your self-esteem.
It’s extremely easy to say that its `easy to say no’, but sometimes it is very difficult especially if you have been saying yes and fixing people for a long time which may have become a habit for you.
The first steps to creating your boundaries is to be to become more self-aware more often, to realise and acknowledge your own self-worth, and to build up the courage to say no.
Courage to say NO
Saying no takes a little practice as communicating your needs can feel strange if you’re not used to doing it.
Its worth knowing that people do not always react negatively towards you when you say no, in fact its mostly in your own mind.
However, If people do react negatively towards you, remember that’s their issue, not yours!
Set boundaries with clear and simple language, and remember that you do not have to justify your decisions.
So watch out if you feel yourself overly explaining or justifying your decision, as much as possible support your boundary by sticking to it whilst giving in to resistance which might result in others emotionally blackmailing you.

For help & support on setting boundaries and self-awareness, contact me today.

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